Birthmother's Day

Today, the day before Mother's Day, is the day that some adoptive families celebrate Birthmother's Day. It is a day to remember the child's FIRST mother or even spend the day with her if she is known.

At this point, I don't know if Meighan will want to remember/contemplate her birthmother or not. Some kids don't. Some do. But several times since we met Meighan, I have thought about her birthmother.

What does she look like? If Meighan looks a lot like her, she must be very pretty. What was her situation in life that she chose to leave her baby to be found on such a busy sidewalk? I know she must have loved her baby a lot if she wanted her to be found. Did she "hang out" and make sure someone found her like Moses' mother had his sister do? Was she married? Were they too poor to provide care for a baby with a cleft lip? Did they already have a daughter and want a son? (Some areas of China allow a second child if the first is a girl and hopefully the second will be a boy.) Were her parents farmers? What did they raise? What does the house look like where she would have been raised?

We may never know answers to these and other questions. Currently, China is closed for birthparent searches. If they ever open up, will Meighan want to search? I do know that if it is ever possible to search and if Meighan wants to, I will help her as best I can to find her birthparents.

I do know that for whatever reason, Meighan was meant to be our daughter and be raised in the United States. We are the ones she calls "Mama" and "Nana." I can only imagine what she would be like being raised in China. She would probably still be a fun-loving, running, ticklish, music- and dance-loving little girl with the BEST laugh! Many times when she's having a giggle time or when she's laughing so hard she laughs silently until she regains her breath, I think "Oh, what her birthparents are missing!" I would love to tell them that she smiles and laughs a lot, learns quickly and loves to be outdoors, chase bubbles and kick balls. I would love to tell them how loving she is and would bet that she got that trait from them. I would love to tell them how much joy she has brought to our lives despite all of the losses that we all have had. Our loss was the ability to have biological children. Their loss was their biological child because of their circumstances -- whatever they were. Meighan's loss was her biological parents -- through no fault or choice of her own. But through our losses, we all gained something. We gained Meighan as a daughter. If we had not had the loss we did, we would not have her as our daughter. She gained us as parents. Her birthparents gained (hopefully) peace of mind that their daughter would be raised by good people in a good environment with lots of opportunities.

She will definitely be given all the opportunities we can give her. She is loved every day and in every way possible. If we ever get to meet her birthparents, we will welcome them into our lives as we did her. They are part of our family, too!

Happy Birthmother's Day -- whoever and wherever you are!